Timing...God times all things and His timing is perfect. Believing and trusting in this truth brings so much comfort when things don't go as planned and are really hard to go through. My mind rests upon Scripture such as Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."
My chemo treatments are administered over a three day period and will occur once a month. I'm to have six of these rounds in total. I'm on day 13 since the start of my first round of treatment. Till now I really haven't had the desire to write or even discuss the chemo, cancer or my thoughts as my focus has been consumed with keeping my turbulent stomach calm and coping with different side effects each day. My oncologist had warned me to be prepared to give my quality of life up if I did the chemo now. He was right but by the grace of God I'm coping. I want to share what has encouraged me over these past two weeks. Over the three days of the chemo being administered the Lord provided moments of deeper conversation & connection between myself and four women. They opened up about some deeper personal things and I ask you to please pray for them. One woman was receiving chemo too and she started to talk about having her hope completely fixed upon the chemo working. She didn't want to live like this anymore and didn't know what she'd do if the chemo didn't work. It is pretty grim to be sitting in that chemo chair and listening to the pump administering the "poison" into your veins and think that this is where your hope lies. It is hard to have any kind of long conversation as there are nurses always coming in and out checking your machine etc. and then you aren't done at the same time as your chemo neighbor but I'm so thankful for the conversation opportunities He gave. I was able to give this woman the gospel of John and a gospel tract and as she came over and held my hand I told her that I wanted to point her to hope that is beyond all of "this" (pointing at the room & then our bodies).
The day before my chemo started I had an ultrasound done and it took twice as long as usual as there seemed to be more areas they were measuring. They also found another area that looked concerning. It was so good to have had this done right before we started the chemo so that we have an accurate "before" to compare the "after" to once my chemo is finished. I have had many side effects over these past two weeks and I feel like I entered into chemo hibernation but I'm hopeful that things will improve. Sometimes it feels like I take two steps forward and one back but despite the side effects I'm so thankful to report that the mystery lump that had first appeared on my temple back in March of 2014 is GONE! Also, there has been a decrease in the other two visible lumps. It was sooooo encouraging to experience this. I saw my doctor last week and she was shocked too. I asked her if she had ever seen chemo work this fast and she admitted that she had never seen results like this so soon. I said it was answers to prayer and she smiled.
I'm so thankful for the hope and the confidence I can have that this momentary & light affliction is under the Lord's guidance and not one aspect escapes His control & knowledge. From the purpose of the chemo & its side effects to the chemo chair I'm assigned to at each treatment He is in control. There have been moments when I felt despair creeping in as I experienced the effects of the chemo in my body but I'm telling you that the truth of the good news, the gospel of Jesus Christ, floods my mind and dispels the despair and fear because He brings hope & the ability to look beyond this world and this decaying body. Yet I realize that for some the truth of the gospel is unknown and might be terrifying because some may not know the answer to the question; what does a good God do with wretched sinners like me and you? Here is the link to a good explanation to help answer that question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXOWyjB7d24
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Round one done...five more to go!
Timing...God times all things and His timing is perfect. Believing and trusting in this truth brings so much comfort when things don't go as planned and are really hard to go through. My mind rests upon Scripture such as Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."
My chemo treatments are administered over a three day period and will occur once a month. I'm to have six of these rounds in total. I'm on day 13 since the start of my first round of treatment. Till now I really haven't had the desire to write or even discuss the chemo, cancer or my thoughts as my focus has been consumed with keeping my turbulent stomach calm and coping with different side effects each day. My oncologist had warned me to be prepared to give my quality of life up if I did the chemo now. He was right but by the grace of God I'm coping. I want to share what has encouraged me over these past two weeks. Over the three days of the chemo being administered the Lord provided moments of deeper conversation & connection between myself and four women. They opened up about some deeper personal things and I ask you to please pray for them. One woman was receiving chemo too and she started to talk about having her hope completely fixed upon the chemo working. She didn't want to live like this anymore and didn't know what she'd do if the chemo didn't work. It is pretty grim to be sitting in that chemo chair and listening to the pump administering the "poison" into your veins and think that this is where your hope lies. It is hard to have any kind of long conversation as there are nurses always coming in and out checking your machine etc. and then you aren't done at the same time as your chemo neighbor but I'm so thankful for the conversation opportunities He gave. I was able to give this woman the gospel of John and a gospel tract and as she came over and held my hand I told her that I wanted to point her to hope that is beyond all of "this" (pointing at the room & then our bodies).
The day before my chemo started I had an ultrasound done and it took twice as long as usual as there seemed to be more areas they were measuring. They also found another area that looked concerning. It was so good to have had this done right before we started the chemo so that we have an accurate "before" to compare the "after" to once my chemo is finished. I have had many side effects over these past two weeks and I feel like I entered into chemo hibernation but I'm hopeful that things will improve. Sometimes it feels like I take two steps forward and one back but despite the side effects I'm so thankful to report that the mystery lump that had first appeared on my temple back in March of 2014 is GONE! Also, there has been a decrease in the other two visible lumps. It was sooooo encouraging to experience this. I saw my doctor last week and she was shocked too. I asked her if she had ever seen chemo work this fast and she admitted that she had never seen results like this so soon. I said it was answers to prayer and she smiled.
I'm so thankful for the hope and the confidence I can have that this momentary & light affliction is under the Lord's guidance and not one aspect escapes His control & knowledge. From the purpose of the chemo & its side effects to the chemo chair I'm assigned to at each treatment He is in control. There have been moments when I felt despair creeping in as I experienced the effects of the chemo in my body but I'm telling you that the truth of the good news, the gospel of Jesus Christ, floods my mind and dispels the despair and fear because He brings hope & the ability to look beyond this world and this decaying body. Yet I realize that for some the truth of the gospel is unknown and might be terrifying because some may not know the answer to the question; what does a good God do with wretched sinners like me and you? Here is the link to a good explanation to help answer that question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXOWyjB7d24
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Remember that the "despair" that creeps in is actually a chemical reaction. Our mind, body, and soul are intertwined, so sometimes the "feeling" is not an emotional reaction at all, but a physical one caused by the treatment. You are right: it is Christ that stays us through the battle.
Thanks again for sharing your wisdom and your story with such courage and openness. I feel strengthened by your words.
Post a Comment