As I've been preparing to be ready for round two of chemo I find myself thanking the Lord over and over again for His faithfulness shown to me in so many ways this past month. Three weeks ago I asked a friend to pray that I would not let my thoughts run ahead and think about the next round of chemo because at that time I was so sick and I couldn't fathom how I'd be able to do this another five times; the thought of it brought much anxiety. When the side effects started to ease and my stomach started to settle down I was so thankful for the reprieve. I will admit that I wasn't spending much time in the Word of God or praying like I wanted to. For a time it felt like I couldn't process a lengthy or deep thought or even articulate much of a clear sentence with the Lord or anyone else for that matter. I am so thankful that the Lord knows every thought and when I cannot pray as I should that the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf (Rom 8:26). Also, I know people were and are praying for me/us and it is such a comfort and blessing to be part of the family of God as we bear one another's burdens (Gal 6:1-2). Thank you Lord and thank you to all who carried me/us to the Lord in your prayers.
So as I prepare to walk through round two I've learned some things and I thought I'd share a few of them so here goes: #1 - I’ve quit drinking coffee for the duration of my treatments to avoid caffeine withdrawal headaches after each round because I couldn’t stand the smell or the taste of coffee for a week following chemo. #2 - Swallow my pride and wear the depends underwear while spending up to 19 hours in three days in the chemo chair rather than be nervous about the "what if" scenarios because there are only two bathrooms available to 20 plus patients whose stomachs are as potentially as unstable as my own. #3 - A blanket and a cowl are essential comfort items throughout the entire time I'm in the chair so pack them this time Porter! #4 - Don't feel guilty about taking the occasional rest by closing my eyes and allowing myself to relax while in chemo chair; I was overly alert last time and after almost 12 hours of being in the chair on the first day I was extremely exhausted at the end of day one with two more to go.
Well, there are a few of the things I learned from round one. Maybe too much information but I'm keeping it real.
I'm so thankful that we have a hope that is eternal. It gives us perseverance through the trials we face while on this earth. Whether the cancer, chemo or some other event decays my flesh to the point of death now or in 10, 20 or 50 some years I know what the outcome will be for me because I know the Author and Finisher of my faith; the One who formed me in my mother's womb and for His purpose He saved me & wrote my name in the Lambs Book of Life (Heb 12:2, Ps 139:15, Rom 8:28, Phil 4:3, Rev 20:15) What blessed assurance I have. Oh to have the grace to trust Him more and more each day. I am praising Him now but I know that there has been periods of dryness and desert places in this last month when I did not. He has faithfully carried me and shown me that His grace is sufficient. Those desert times when I was not praising Him came when I was so sick that I could not enjoy common everyday pleasantries I was convicted and had to admit that my joy was misplaced because it was not rooted where it should be; in Him. Is Christ enough? I say yes now but when other pleasantries are removed it revealed an ugly truth about myself. My joy was rooted in Christ plus enjoyment of food, independence, the ability to come and go as I pleased, freedom to spend time with family and on and on it went. Joy from other things isn't bad or sinful unless those things are joy's primary root and sought after as such.
Conviction of my sin and the ability to repent of it is some of the ways He has shown His faithfulness to me this past month (Heb 12:6). I'm so thankful that God is true to His word.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
1 John 1:7-10 But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
Ephesians 2: 1-10 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ, by grace you have been saved, and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Sunday, October 18, 2015
Reflecting & preparing for round 2 of chemo
As I've been preparing to be ready for round two of chemo I find myself thanking the Lord over and over again for His faithfulness shown to me in so many ways this past month. Three weeks ago I asked a friend to pray that I would not let my thoughts run ahead and think about the next round of chemo because at that time I was so sick and I couldn't fathom how I'd be able to do this another five times; the thought of it brought much anxiety. When the side effects started to ease and my stomach started to settle down I was so thankful for the reprieve. I will admit that I wasn't spending much time in the Word of God or praying like I wanted to. For a time it felt like I couldn't process a lengthy or deep thought or even articulate much of a clear sentence with the Lord or anyone else for that matter. I am so thankful that the Lord knows every thought and when I cannot pray as I should that the Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf (Rom 8:26). Also, I know people were and are praying for me/us and it is such a comfort and blessing to be part of the family of God as we bear one another's burdens (Gal 6:1-2). Thank you Lord and thank you to all who carried me/us to the Lord in your prayers.
So as I prepare to walk through round two I've learned some things and I thought I'd share a few of them so here goes: #1 - I’ve quit drinking coffee for the duration of my treatments to avoid caffeine withdrawal headaches after each round because I couldn’t stand the smell or the taste of coffee for a week following chemo. #2 - Swallow my pride and wear the depends underwear while spending up to 19 hours in three days in the chemo chair rather than be nervous about the "what if" scenarios because there are only two bathrooms available to 20 plus patients whose stomachs are as potentially as unstable as my own. #3 - A blanket and a cowl are essential comfort items throughout the entire time I'm in the chair so pack them this time Porter! #4 - Don't feel guilty about taking the occasional rest by closing my eyes and allowing myself to relax while in chemo chair; I was overly alert last time and after almost 12 hours of being in the chair on the first day I was extremely exhausted at the end of day one with two more to go.
Well, there are a few of the things I learned from round one. Maybe too much information but I'm keeping it real.
I'm so thankful that we have a hope that is eternal. It gives us perseverance through the trials we face while on this earth. Whether the cancer, chemo or some other event decays my flesh to the point of death now or in 10, 20 or 50 some years I know what the outcome will be for me because I know the Author and Finisher of my faith; the One who formed me in my mother's womb and for His purpose He saved me & wrote my name in the Lambs Book of Life (Heb 12:2, Ps 139:15, Rom 8:28, Phil 4:3, Rev 20:15) What blessed assurance I have. Oh to have the grace to trust Him more and more each day. I am praising Him now but I know that there has been periods of dryness and desert places in this last month when I did not. He has faithfully carried me and shown me that His grace is sufficient. Those desert times when I was not praising Him came when I was so sick that I could not enjoy common everyday pleasantries I was convicted and had to admit that my joy was misplaced because it was not rooted where it should be; in Him. Is Christ enough? I say yes now but when other pleasantries are removed it revealed an ugly truth about myself. My joy was rooted in Christ plus enjoyment of food, independence, the ability to come and go as I pleased, freedom to spend time with family and on and on it went. Joy from other things isn't bad or sinful unless those things are joy's primary root and sought after as such.
Conviction of my sin and the ability to repent of it is some of the ways He has shown His faithfulness to me this past month (Heb 12:6). I'm so thankful that God is true to His word.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
1 John 1:7-10 But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.
Ephesians 2: 1-10 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ, by grace you have been saved, and raised us up with Him and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages He might show the immeasurable riches of His grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Round one done...five more to go!
Timing...God times all things and His timing is perfect. Believing and trusting in this truth brings so much comfort when things don't go as planned and are really hard to go through. My mind rests upon Scripture such as Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths."
My chemo treatments are administered over a three day period and will occur once a month. I'm to have six of these rounds in total. I'm on day 13 since the start of my first round of treatment. Till now I really haven't had the desire to write or even discuss the chemo, cancer or my thoughts as my focus has been consumed with keeping my turbulent stomach calm and coping with different side effects each day. My oncologist had warned me to be prepared to give my quality of life up if I did the chemo now. He was right but by the grace of God I'm coping. I want to share what has encouraged me over these past two weeks. Over the three days of the chemo being administered the Lord provided moments of deeper conversation & connection between myself and four women. They opened up about some deeper personal things and I ask you to please pray for them. One woman was receiving chemo too and she started to talk about having her hope completely fixed upon the chemo working. She didn't want to live like this anymore and didn't know what she'd do if the chemo didn't work. It is pretty grim to be sitting in that chemo chair and listening to the pump administering the "poison" into your veins and think that this is where your hope lies. It is hard to have any kind of long conversation as there are nurses always coming in and out checking your machine etc. and then you aren't done at the same time as your chemo neighbor but I'm so thankful for the conversation opportunities He gave. I was able to give this woman the gospel of John and a gospel tract and as she came over and held my hand I told her that I wanted to point her to hope that is beyond all of "this" (pointing at the room & then our bodies).
The day before my chemo started I had an ultrasound done and it took twice as long as usual as there seemed to be more areas they were measuring. They also found another area that looked concerning. It was so good to have had this done right before we started the chemo so that we have an accurate "before" to compare the "after" to once my chemo is finished. I have had many side effects over these past two weeks and I feel like I entered into chemo hibernation but I'm hopeful that things will improve. Sometimes it feels like I take two steps forward and one back but despite the side effects I'm so thankful to report that the mystery lump that had first appeared on my temple back in March of 2014 is GONE! Also, there has been a decrease in the other two visible lumps. It was sooooo encouraging to experience this. I saw my doctor last week and she was shocked too. I asked her if she had ever seen chemo work this fast and she admitted that she had never seen results like this so soon. I said it was answers to prayer and she smiled.
I'm so thankful for the hope and the confidence I can have that this momentary & light affliction is under the Lord's guidance and not one aspect escapes His control & knowledge. From the purpose of the chemo & its side effects to the chemo chair I'm assigned to at each treatment He is in control. There have been moments when I felt despair creeping in as I experienced the effects of the chemo in my body but I'm telling you that the truth of the good news, the gospel of Jesus Christ, floods my mind and dispels the despair and fear because He brings hope & the ability to look beyond this world and this decaying body. Yet I realize that for some the truth of the gospel is unknown and might be terrifying because some may not know the answer to the question; what does a good God do with wretched sinners like me and you? Here is the link to a good explanation to help answer that question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXOWyjB7d24
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