All signs of spring are present and then….it snows.

It has been a while since my last update on my blog. So much to process I guess. Since I’ve been hibernating for months, when I get a little window of energy or a state of being in less pain I want to spend that time in the presence of people so blogging, which doesn’t come easy for me to begin with, isn’t my first priority. So a month and a half ago I finished the last chemo treatment. Post chemo I am dealing with painful joints throughout my body and learning to deal with the fatigue that will plague me for a while. I am VERY thankful to be done with chemo but it was a tearful goodbye to the staff at the Allan Blair Cancer Centre; I appreciated them so much. Back in December I had a CT scan done halfway through my treatments that showed all the cancer growths were gone so I was anticipating the same outcome from my CT scan done at the completion of my chemo. It is spring now and you know how it feels to have shed those bulky jackets? It is a kind of liberating freedom to walk outside with no jacket or at least a thin jacket on. The grass is turning green here and there are buds on the trees. That smell that accompanies the first spring rain signals that it is time to welcome the new season; a fresh start! Well, that was my mindset in going through the motions of the post chemo CT scan. I was ready to welcome a new season; a fresh start. My doctor explained that the recent CT scan confirmed that all the original cancer growths were indeed gone, YAY, but it also showed a new site in my hip area that looks like a cancerous lesion on my bone...it started to snow on my “spring” day. I don’t know what the next step will be but I do know the Lord is in control. I am thankful and have been given this peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7) and I know, without a doubt, it is from the Lord. Really, this life on earth is not permanent and it is times like this that I’m reminded of that. This “snowy” day has reminded me that life this side of heaven isn’t the goal or final destination for any of us. As I read in Galatians 1:3-5 this morning, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us out of this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father, to whom be the glory forevermore. Amen.”, I thanked God that I have been given the gift of faith to know and believe that I’ve been delivered out of this present age. I have this and all the truths in His word so I do not lose heart. Though my outer self is wasting away, my inner self is being renewed by these truths day by day. (2 Cor 4:16) I must seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God and set my mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Col 3:1-2) By His grace and mercy, with a thankful heart, I’ll be able to do just that as this season of life continues. I pray that I will lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and run with endurance the race that is set before me, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith, because of Him I have a true joy that is set before me.(Heb 12:1-2) Thank you for your prayers.

Perspective from both sides of the fence.

Over the years I’ve seen people I care about deal with illnesses; one being cancer. Some are still here today and others are not. As I saw their pain and struggle I was heavy hearted for them and wanted to help any way I could. I remember being nervous about what to say or do. When I did make an effort to reach out to them I was nervous it wasn’t the right thing to say or do. I longed for them to indicate as to how I could help and support them. I fretted when I didn’t hear anything from them and I certainly didn’t want to be bothering them. Sometimes I would send an email or text and not hear back right away or at all. I knew they were dealing with so much and didn’t hold it against them but I couldn’t help but wonder if I was helping or hindering. It is a helpless feeling to be the one watching someone you care about suffer. Now I am on the other side of the fence and I am the one with cancer. I receive texts and emails which I know have been sent with much care and concern for me. Some of the same information on how to deal with and treat cancer that I had sent to people I cared about is now being sent to me. Loving people have been praying and supporting us in every way possible. I am so thankful. On this side of the fence I can confidently say that though I may not respond to every text or email promptly or at all sometimes (blaming chemo brain here), every single effort is appreciated and cherished; not ONE goes unnoticed. You have made a difference in this season. There are days when every bit of energy and focus goes into fighting the physical, mental and spiritual battles. I am so thankful to everyone who has showed their love in various ways. You can be sure the Lord knows and sees your efforts to care and reach out. He also knows the silent prayer warriors who are carrying us to Him regularly. I am thankful for perspective from both sides of the fence and I pray I can use what I’ve been taught through this to be a better support and reach out to others both today and in the days to come. I am not saying I’ve arrived but I am still learning and thankful for my faithful Teacher and His daily lessons which equip to press on. My second last chemo is in a couple of days…these last ones seem to pack a harder punch and bouncing back isn’t happening quite so quickly or easily. Prayers appreciated. (((hugs))) and love to you all. Philippians 3:12-14 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus. Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Two Thirds Done!

I know it has been a while since my last post but there has been so much to process. After my first two chemo regimes I was not only having the “regular” side effects but I was also having a severe allergic reaction. My oncologist consulted with other oncologists both in Regina and Saskatoon and I guess there had only been one other patient who had a similar severe reaction and it ended in death for that patient. It was a unanimous decision on the part of the oncologists that I was at risk of the same result if they continued so they changed my chemo regime. I have had two treatments of this new regime now and no allergic reaction just the normal side effects. I am so thankful for the Lord’s intervention in giving wisdom to my oncologist to investigate on my behalf. Some additional news is that just before Christmas a contrast dye CT scan showed that the three areas of concern are clear of cancer now. My oncologist wants to finish off the rest of the chemo treatments just to be sure. Going into Christmas we already had plans in place to celebrate but getting the CT results three days before Christmas day made celebrating even sweeter. My thoughts as of late keep being drawn to Scripture that describes a potter and his clay.(Jerimiah 18:1-6 and Romans 9:14-24) He is the Potter; I am the clay. As I reflect on years past and how much has changed in my life I take great comfort in knowing He is in complete control. A potter uses his own hands to form the clay and also chooses tools to incorporate for shaving and adding design to the vessel of His making. I believe the cancer is a tool the Lord has chosen for this season to shape this vessel. I am thankful. Romans 9:17 “For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, for this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show My power in you, and that My name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” I can trust that that the Lord has raised up the cancer in my body and now also taken it away. It is also my prayer that through this He might show His power in and over me, that His name might be proclaimed because of it. To Him be the glory!