I have a living hope!

I have been trying to find a way to put into words what this past month has been like. Such lows...and such sweet highs; what a contrast indeed. Round 2 was not pleasant from the very start but I say this very cautiously as I know it could have been much worse. One thing I do not want to get caught up in is complaining or grumbling about what is happening to my body. The road to a bitter heart is paved with complaints and grumbling and I am guilty of easily slipping into that if I start feeling sorry for myself. I am not bitter at the Lord rather I am thankful for this hard blessing, trial and good work that He has prepared for me to walk through/in (Eph 2:10). I told a sister in Christ that I don't want to just survive but I want to thrive while going through this. I know that the only way I will thrive through this is if I trust in Him at all times while pouring my heart out to Him because God is a refuge for me (Psalm 62:8). Though I watch my body deteriorate I know what it means to have my spirit renewed as I abide in Christ through His word. As the chemo makes its way through my veins I can honestly say I can tell when it has permeated every part of my body as I experience the physical effects. This Sunday my Pastor/husband encouraged us to spend time in God's word and let it permeate our minds/hearts. I can honestly say that I can tell when the word of God has permeated my mind/heart because I see a change in how I think. I see an attitude of thankfulness as there is a renewing and a peace that surpasses all understanding that guards my mind/heart in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:5-7). If I turn to mindless TV programs, food or anything else (and I have) it is futile as such things only temporarily distract me from the reality of my cancer and leave me empty and afraid. Very often the Lord has used people to encourage me in many ways but primarily through quoting of Scripture to remind me of who He is and that He is in control. Please pray that I will be able to remember this when I'm at my lowest and in the midst of suffering. As I face round 3 I am encouraged by these passages of Scripture to focus on the bigger picture and consider this present trial as lasting for only a "little while" in light of eternity. 1 Peter 1:3-9 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God's power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen Him, you love Him. Though you do not now see Him, you believe in Him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls." Ephesians 2:8-10 "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."